i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
