She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
