I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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