the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
