The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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