I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just had sex bonerless
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
