Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
