she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
