Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Come on in and take your pants off
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