Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
