Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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