Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
should my penis look like a turkey
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize