i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
