Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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