well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
