And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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