oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
