Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
