Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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