Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
