I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
