And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
