Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
