Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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