She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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