We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
