dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
