I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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