Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
