do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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