I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
