I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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