On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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