Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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