Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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