I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
