I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
