I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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