We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
