the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
