you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
