my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
