Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
