my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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