Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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