Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize