please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
