Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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