"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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