You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
