Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
