I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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