I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
