Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
