After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
