billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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