he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
