Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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