kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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