she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
