It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize