i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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