I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
