put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
