I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
