anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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