I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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