I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
