He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
