idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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